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Accused: "A was certainly not driving at 60 miles an hour in a built-up area! I wasn't doing more than 40 miles an hour, in fact it was nearer 30. Now I come to think about it, I'd slowed down to 20 at the time and..."
Judge: "Hold on a minute! You'd better stop, before you back into someone!"


A witness giving evidence in court concerning a traffic accident was asked by the magistrate what, in his opinion, was the cause of the collision.
"As far as I could see, both drivers seemed to be chasing the same pedestrian."
(Edward PHILLIPS, from "The World's Best Motoring Jokes")

On an ancient car:
This car may be old - but it's in front of you and it's paid for!

I passed a car dealer's shop. I looked in the window and I saw the most beautiful cars. Then a fellow came out and said:
"Come on in, they're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!"
"Aren't you talking about the payments?"
(Corbett MONICA)

Car mechanic to motorist:
"The cost of repairs will be twenty for parts, plus twelve for the work, plus a fee of ten for not overcharging you."
(Bennet CERF)

The driver of a brand new car stopped at a road junction and was driven into by the car behind. The damage was minimal, so she just glared at the offender and drove on. At the next set of traffic lights the same thing happened. After the third collision the guilty driver got out of his car and came over ready to swap insurance details.
"Never mind that, just give me a five-minute head start" said the woman.
(Bennet CERF)

"Grandma," asked the inquisitive four-year-old,
"what happens when a car is too old to run any more?"
"Someone sells it to your grandfather."

Policeman: "Why didn't you stop when I shouted to you?
Motorist: "I'm sorry, officiar, I didn't realize it was a policeman yelling, I thought it was someone I'd run over."

Always try to drive so that your license will expire before you do!
(C. C. H.)

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