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Big Brother is back
Wayne in the neck
Publicity on Hold-en
A load of old croc
Sweeney slim secrets

Mad, Saddam and dangerous to know
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The 100 Greatest...Germans
Suicide bomber was British
Marley dreads sold at auction

Madonna misses the pint
Iglesias 'mole row' latest
Ryder rides Pacino storm
tATu 'marriage vows'
Garner grabs Gwynnie part

Zeta's double gong bonus

Semi-fabricated poll joy
High maintenance movie marvel Catherine Zeta Jones has the best bod in the business - so says one of those dubious polls that bothers itself with such world-shattering guffage.

The multi-skilled Mrs Douglas has curves to die for and sundry assets more spectacular than the Pembrokeshire coast on a glorious summer's day.

And, even more impressively, her attributes are reckoned to be better than MegaStar's much championed X2 uber-babe, Halle Berry.

We'll have words...

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Berry bagged 25 per cent of the beautiful bod stakes to take second place in the hardly scientific-sounding 'What Your Clothes Say About You' survey.

Third was bulkily-boobed Britney Spears (imagine what you're missing out on, Timberpants), fourth was that other MegaMate source of sauce-fuelled fascination Angelina Jolie, and fifth, everybody's favourite saveloy-hiding staple, Pamela Anderson.

And that's not all, trouser-rubbing chums.

Zeta Jones, who recently gave birth to her second child Carys, also topped a spin-off 'Vamp' poll, leading the pack ahead of J-Lo, the Liz Hurley girlie, Sophie Dahl and luscious Natalie Portman.

It's knowing stuff like this that makes the day just seem that little bit shorter...

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