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Weekly Entertainment Newsletter, "Entity"

You are in: Entertainment  > Gossip






BITCH & FAMOUS
Hollywood baby boom
by Trixy Honoré
Posted Thu, 09 Oct 2003

If you’re starting to read this week’s Bitch & Famous column with a bit of trepidation — worried that at any moment Ben and Jen’s endlessly dull wedding cancellations and reinstatements could jump out at you… fear not. You won’t hear me saying a single word on the likelihood of their happy day arriving or not.

But, I will tell you about a super-tacky stunt on the part of one of the Osbourne clan — involving the famous pink diamond engagement sparkler that’s been appearing rather intermittently on J. Lo’s finger…

Sharon Osbourne — now the star of her own TV talk show, and seemingly possessed of the sensitivity of a ham sandwich — accosted poor Ben Affleck in the street this week and asked if she could buy Jen’s ring, now that she no longer needed it!

Sharon even discussed it on US national TV, during her show: “Ben, I've been asking you to let me have the first bid on the ring and you haven't called. I keep going and saying to my husband, 'If Ben calls me and says that we can put a bid in for the ring, how much will you give me?' He's going, 'Maybe a grand, that's it. It's not worth any more.' So Ben, there's a grand, maybe I can get him up to five, but please call me.”

Tempting as that offer is — I imagine Ben and Jennifer will be hanging on to the $1 million-plus (over R6.8 million) gem.

TRIXY HONORÉ
is a devotee of star gossip and Elvis Presley, counting among her enemies the modern colonial mindset and experimental jazz. She's of the firm belief that the lack of radio airtime nowadays given to such luminaries as The Beatles or the Spice Girls is the root of society's current malaise. Asked to pick her style icons, she would opt for Tretchikoff, Gwyneth Paltrow and Dorothy Parker. Trixy lives with a menagerie of acrylic, plastic, Piscean and human characters in Cape Town.
Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email her!
Speaking of hanging on… Word has it that Demi Moore has upped and moved (with kids in tow) from Idaho, to live full-time in LA — reportedly to be able to spend more time with the lovely, little Ashton Kutcher. Plus, Demi’s just been taken back home to meet Ashton’s mum, Diane Portwood.

Says Portwood, “What I've found is when you meet many of these so-called celebrities in person, they are really down to earth. We (Diane and Demi) sat and talked about her kids, and my kids and we had a great time.” Her kids and my kids? This woman does realise that Demi’s actually going out with her little lad, doesn’t she?

Now, although certain nasty naysayers have cast doubt on the perfectly honed Demi’s ability to act her way out of, say, a paper bag, no-one in Hollywood (or anywhere else for that matter) has the slightest doubt that she’s extremely shrewd, and usually gets what she wants.

Well, by all accounts, what Moore wants at the moment is to corner the Liz Hurley, lookin’-good-on-screen corner of the acting market and to make sure she doesn’t lose the boy with the wildly roving eye…

So, how do you keep a notorious 25-year-old field-player like Ashton in line? Said a member of the ‘That ’70s Show’ set crew to the UK’s Heat mag: “Demi has this overwhelming presence. She's been on the set for almost every minute that Ashton is filming. The actresses and female crew members are getting self-conscious and are afraid that one false move and Demi will think they're after her man. It's causing a lot of tension. It's hard to be yourself when glaring eyes are watching every move you make. Demi's demanding behavior is highly distracting."

I’m waaaatching you, Kutcher…

And the rich and lovely were watching when Catherine Zeta-Jones made something of a fiscal faux pas at a recent charity auction. Cathy and hubby Michael Douglas were the guests of honour at the Adopt-a-Minefield do — held in Tinseltown.

Also there was former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney, who performed at the function and put an autograph of his up for auction. But Cathy clearly forgot her ‘I’d give anything for the poor/children/needy elephants’ celeb training — offering a whopping $25 (R170) as her bid for the charity lot.

"It's so embarrassing,” she had the grace to admit. “I'm a cheap Welsh girl with good morals and I thought $25 would suffice. It wasn't until after I raised my hand and bid $25 that I realised how stupid I was. I am thrifty by nature.” Oh, the shame!

There’s another actress, though, who has plenty of reason to be nothing but proud of herself. Uma Thurman has not only managed to cope with the enormous demands of having a new-born baby to look after, but also starred in the latest Quentin Tarantino movie, ‘Kill Bill’, while she did it!

“In the first week, I ended up in the bathroom crying,” she admitted. “There were a couple of moments when I was on my knees. I was breast-feeding and sleep deprived because I'd been up all night with the baby. I was exhausted. I'd never realised how hard it would be. It was unlike anything I'd ever done before. But I had the will to do it — it was empowering to make it out alive with my joints semi-intact.”

Plus, Uma’s had to deal with the strain of a cheating husband (Ethan Hawke) and an imminent divorce, along with just having given birth. And that, dear readers, is a far more daunting role than any of those Tarantino has ever put in his flicks.

To keep you feeling all warm and fuzzy towards Tinseltown’s finest, let me tell you how a whole bunch of those famous people not only turned up looking perfect to the recent Emmy’s, but even stripped off and donated their outfits to a fund-raising auction for Cure Autism Now and the Union of Concerned Scientists.

Needless to say, Jen Aniston’s dress got the highest bid — her vintage Halston frock went for a tidy $20,000 (R137,000) — almost four times as much as the ‘runner up’: fellow ‘Friend’ Courtney Cox, who’s Herrera dress fetched $5,101 (R35,000). Jennifer Garner’s Ralph Lauren gown came in third, raising $3,550 (R24,000).

Yup, Aniston’s still as sweet, popular and married to Brad Pitt as ever…

Perhaps a little less popular is Calista Flockhart — with director George Lucas at least. Harrison Ford was super-keen to get Calista into the forthcoming ‘Indiana Jones 4’, but George wasn’t too sold on the idea of putting the diminutive star in his flick. Undeterred, Harrison wrote Flockhart’s part in the movie himself. Now that’s true love! Let’s just hope Calista’s cameo doesn’t end up on the cutting room floor.

Britney Spears, on the other hand, would probably love to see the tabloids cut out rather a lot of the stuff on her… Especially since all the rumours about the pop princess and Columbus Short — one of her dancers — started surfacing.

The pair was spotted kissing recently, but Britney flackers explained that he was merely helping her practise for her on-stage snog with Madonna. Hmm, yes, of course…

But, the gossip is heating up again — now that Short and his pregnant wife have split. Says a friend of the dancer’s wife: “Brandi doesn't know what she's going to do. If he keeps it up, she's going to get a divorce.”

So, is Britney shedding her sweetpie image once and for all? Watch this space!

Believe it or not — there are some stars who’ve given up the dating scene altogether and settled down to play happy families. In fact, it’s become some thing of a trend lately. Not only have Helena Bonham Carter and director Tim Burton just had a little sprog, but so too have Jason Lee (‘Almost Famous’, ‘Dogma’) and his fiancée Beth Riesgraf.

Says Lee: “As I write you all this, my beautiful lady is napping soundly with my son. I'm as overjoyed as I am tired. Four nights in the hospital and worth every delirious minute. I could go on forever but I'd rather pass out. So, please help us welcome Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee.”

I’m feverently hoping that the ‘Pilot Inspektor’ part is some kind of weird joke, induced my new-parent sleeplessness, and not an indication that Jason is following in Frank Zappa’s child-naming footsteps…

But, lest you think that I’m asserting a trend on the basis of just two examples — fear not, I have a whopping three examples! Yes, Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi have also just had a baby — a sister for their first child Jaden Gil.

And this poor wee blighter has been named Jaz Elle Agassi.

Finally, I leave you with an amusing little item… Yes, I promised I wouldn’t speculate on Ben and Jen’s wedding — but I am going to mention them one last time in this column.

That’s because the ever-less-golden couple hit such a low point with their hideous flop ‘Gigli’, that they’ve actually been removed from the promotional posters for their new flick ‘Jersey Girl’!

According to a US Weekly source, “After ‘Gigli’, (Miramax — the studio) doesn't want to take any chances with another laughing stock flop. They're going to promote this as a Kevin Smith (the ‘Jersey Girl’ director) movie. It's going to be about Kevin.” Ah, Hollywood — nothing if not loyal…

See you back here next week for more Bitch and Famous!

Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email me.

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