November 26, 2003
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The yada, yada, yada blog
NBC's satan epic, Monica Lewinsky's unlucky love life, Kelly Preston's conversion tactics, and Paris Hilton's Heeb connection. And, yes, there's something in here about Madonna.
by The Yada Blog Team November 23, 2003

THE HEIR HEAD: Paris Hilton is not your typical looking Kabbalah student. Again, we ask the obvious question: Where was she during our high school Talmud class?


Paris invasion: It seems the latest celeb to, um, fall under the spell of the Kabbalah Centre is none other than sex tape victim Paris Hilton. Upon her return from a month-long vacation in Australia, she was seen entering the Hollywood branch of the mystic madhouse. Ok, it's official. The Kabbalah Centre has finally jumped the shark.

It's the end of the world as we know it: Just when we thought NBC was wising up after canceling the ill-fated Coupling, our favorite network announced that they are developing a mini-series about a physicist and a nun racing to avert the apocalyptic final showdown between God and Satan as foretold in the Book of Revelations. The six-part drama will air after NBC's final Summer Olympics telecast in late August of 2004.

Oy baby!: We couldn't think of a better name ourselves. Oy Baby, a new video for Jewish babies, offers "a captivating journey of familiar Hebrew songs for both babies and any nearby adults to enjoy," according to a press release. Accompanying the music are various Judaica, toys, and puppets. In between songs, your little bundle of joy learns Hebrew letters and the joy of giving charity. Apparently the creators wanted something like this for their own kid, but couldn't find anything. We, however, are simply enamored with this line from the press release: "Mr. Rogers would kvell if he could see and hear OyBaby." Um, we should mention that Mr. Rogers, who died earlier this year, would also need to be alive for that to happen.

A-bombs and Tinsel: You have to say this for Jews, we don't have any issues when it comes to portraying our holidays. Christians sometimes do. "An Enola Gay Christmas," opening Off-Broadway on December 4th will feature "the mother of the pilot of the infamous bomber" that dropped the A-bomb on Japan -- trying to clear her name. Says the program: "What better way than a feel-good Christmas show broadcast from the downstairs of her suburban Miami, Florida home? The show features her singing a little, cooking a little, decorating a little and doing a little cocaine." Oh what holiday spirit. We can recommend a few Jewish lawyers to help Mrs. Gay with her case.

Jewish American Dreams: Viewers of the hit TV series, American Dreams, will notice a few more tribesmen this season. Co-creator, and Jewish to boot, Jonathan Prince spoke with The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles about the new characters. They include a half-Jewish college kid, a Jewish American G.I. in Vietnam, and an Orthodox med school student (what else) with a chain smoking habit. We're so proud.

I'm too sexy for this list: We're sorry to report that not one Jew made this year's list of People magazine's top ten sexiest men alive. They did, however, give special mention to half-Jew David Arquette for going from "dud to stud." Maybe we'd be better off trying out for season two of Average Joe.

Radio waves: A controversial militant Islamic group is campaigning against radio talk show diva Dr. Laura Schlessinger. The irony? Schlessinger, a convert, denounced her Judaism earlier this summer.

Honoring survivors, L.A. style: What do William Shatner, Edward Asner, Lainie Kazan, and K Street star Elliot Gould all have in common? They'll be present at the Southern California Jewish Center's second annual celebrity medal of honor awards gala next month honoring 30 terrorist survivors from Israel. Aw, isn't it great when we can get together for happy times?

Lewinsky's love lost: Our favorite Jewish intern is in the news once again. In the December issue of GQ Magazine, Monica Lewinsky tells the lad mag that her past dalliances with President Clinton has hurt her love life. "The one thing I don't do well with, with a guy, is ambivalence," the zaftig Yid says. "I want to shake them and say, 'C'mon, just like me! Do what I say!"' Um, we're racking our brains here and still can't figure out why nobody would want to date her. Has she tried JDate? Perhaps she should start her own reality show -- Who Wants to Marry Monica?. We'll help produce.

Hoosiers for Hebrews: From a report this week by's Seth Davis comes this random observation: "There aren't too many experts in the field of Jewish major college basketball players, so my thanks once again goes to Philadelphia's Brian Schiff, who reports that Princeton has a whopping seven MOTs (Members of the Tribe) on its roster, while Ivy League rival Yale has four MOTs. Shifty is also high on Jeff Horowitz, a 6-foot-8 freshman at the College of Charleston. Shalom to that. " We second that motion. Go team.

'Science' class: Kelly Preston, John Travolta's better half, is out promoting her new role in Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat. On Thursday's episode of Live with Regis and Kelly (yes, we watch), Preston told the hosts about an elementary school that she started. She, however, neglected to mention that the school -- like her and Travolta -- are proponents of the oft-ridiculed cult-like religion known as Scientology. "There's often a Scientology-related interest behind Kelly Preston's various causes," said a long-time observer of the church. "She is a very effective proselytizer." Hey, we'd do whatever she tells us.

Reality TV bites: After the surprising success of reality TV, it doesn't come as much surprise that television crews followed around the participants in the ill-conceived Geneva Accord. Highlights from that film were shown this week on Israeli television, which gave a rare and intimate glance at Mideast diplomacy. For example, at one lull in the debate, lead Palestinian negotiator Yasser Abed Rabbo wryly observed, "I'm sure the majority on both sides condemn us as crazy.'' Could The Real World: Jenin be far behind?

Let's make a deal: A question we'd like answered: How many Metrodox make pacts like this one?

Awarding his basic instinct: It was announced this week that actor Michael Douglas, the son of Jewy Kirk Douglas, will receive an honorary Golden Globe award in January for his work in the entertainment industry. Doesn't this seem a bit redundant? He's already married to Welsh babe Catherine Zeta-Jones -- how much luckier can one guy get?

Producing a hit: Mel Brooks must be pretty happy these days. "The Producers", the Broadway adaptation of his 1968 movie of the same name, broke records this week by selling $3.6 million in tickets in 12 hours. The reason? Tony winning stars Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick have returned to the Hitler farce for a limited four-month engagement starting December 30th.

Madonna's political foray: We're not sure what to make of this, but our favorite Kabbalah-spouting celeb is getting involved in politics. According to published reports, Madonna held a fundraiser at her L.A. home on Sunday night for Democratic presidential hopeful Wesley Clark. Perhaps it's because Clark, whose last name used to be Kanne (pronounced KAY-nee), was born to a Jewish father.

Damsel in distress: The New York Post's gossip pages report that geeks' favorite Jewish Star Wars actress, the extremely pro-Israel Natalie Portman, is eyeing the coveted role of Lois Lane in an updated Superman remake. May the force be with her.

The Pianist stinks. Again: A recent New York Times Magazine article reminded us of a point we made last year. In an article about the dearth of Oscar-worthy films that come out in December, Verlyn Klinkenborg pointed out that, sometimes, movies that don't deserve awards receive many accolades simply because they were released later in the year. Case in point, as we've discussed on several occasions, is last year's wildly undeserving The Pianist.

I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And, doggone it, people like me: Jewish satirist Al Franken may be running for public office, according to a report in last week's issue of Newsweek. The former Saturday Night Live alum and best-selling author of Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right may run for senator of his home state of Minnesota in 2008. A funny-man in government is nothing new for Minnesotans. Remember, they were the ones who elected Jesse "The Mind" Venutra as their governor.

The Yada Blog Team consists of Jewsweek reporters and the ecclectic blog teams of Jewschool and Protocols.

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