Cake-eating first lady of la-la land CZJ has ditched her agent in a foot-stamping tantrum of jealousy over ginger stork Nic - according to Hollywood spies.
Dylan, be a good boy and pass mammy's cardigan
Which roughly translates as Catherine Zeta-Jones has got a new agent so she can compete with Nicole Kidman but that doesn't sound half as good.
The former Welsh valley dweller has said to have rubbed quite a few LA types up the wrong way by getting rid of William Morris agent George Freeman - the man who launched the litigious lady stateside.
"It is shocking. George took this little-known British actress that no one cared about and made her into an Oscar winner," said one man with his finger on the luvvie pulse.
"She is an ungrateful diva who has not had a career misstep and it is inconceivable that she would screw George like this. He just got her $10m for Zorro 2," they went on, spilling the beans to The New York Post, handbag aloft.
Rumour has it wrinkly shag-meister Michael Douglas has prompted Catherine's ambitious move by constantly hassling his Mumbles-born wife to get the same level of roles as Tom Cruises ex-missus.
And that kind of talk is sure to add more slap than tickle to a marriage, so our Cath has done something about it and bagged hot agent Creative Artists Agency.
However, Zeta-Jones' footsoldier Cece York has a different spin on things.
"It has only ever been my experience that Michael fully supports Catherine," said Cece, remembering who pays her wages. "The reason Catherine left William Morris is between her and the agency. People change agencies - it happens all the time - and the Zorro deal has not been signed."
Whether the new agent will do the trick for CZJ is another matter, reckons the movie insider with his claws out. "Nicole gets first look at every script. Catherine doesn't," he snarls.
"Nicole and Catherine had very similar careers until Nicole's divorce from Tom Cruise. Then audiences found her sympathetic. No one finds Catherine a very sympathetic character or as likeable."
What, after crying over some pictures of her with the munchies and bagging loads of cash off a magazine when she doesn't really need the money? Surely it's made her the Queen of Hearts.