15 Jul 2004
ERIC Douglas called Catherine Zeta Jones many things during his life, but “my dear sister-in-law” does not appears to have been one of them.
|'C' & 'A'|
In fact, according to the National Enquirer, the troubled half-brother of Michael Douglas hated the actress as much as he hated the rest of his family.
“He got angry each time Catherine reached out to him,” friend John Cohan explains.
“What she saw as offering help, Eric believed was a condescending hand that would be snatched away the moment he reached for it.
“He called her a bitch and he also called her the ‘c’ word.”
As her name is Catherine, the ‘c’ word hardly seems inappropriate.
But it didn’t end there – showing an impressive grasp of geography for a Yank, he also referred to her as “that snooty broad from Britain”.
Not so impressive – after being rebuffed in attempts to borrow money, he once complained: “Michael’s Jewish and she’s Scottish – together they’re the world's cheapest couple.”
And that was more than Catherine could bear. “I’m Welsh, not Scottish,” she shouted out in that mid-Atlantic accent that we’ve grown to love so much.
[For the benefit of our American readers, Wales is a particularly grotty, sheep-infested part of London, while Scotland is a small island off the north coast of Britain inhabited exclusively by men in skirts.]
Eric also claimed, apparently, that Michael was besotted by his wife, whose one ambition was to be the Queen of Tinseltown, and neither of them would care if he starved to death.
That is of course complete nonsense – the Enquirer says Catherine wept when she heard that the body of Kirk Douglas’s youngest son had been found in his New York apartment.
According to a family insider, she shook her head and said: “What a wasted life!”
And with that, she went back to polishing her Oscar and counting her and Michael’s millions...