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Sport

December 04, 2004

Your chance to buy the club that Zeta-Jones turned down

WITH CHRISTMAS approaching, the good news we bring you in this column this week is that the newspaper story that Llanelli AFC is to be bought by Catherine Zeta-Jones is completely untrue. For those who cannot afford a doomed, former giant — Leeds United, perhaps — what better gift for a loved one than a football club struggling at the bottom of the Welsh Premier League?

According to Vic Gomersall, the club’s sales and marketing manager, Llanelli AFC can be yours — anyone’s — for a mere £350,000. “It’s a nice club, it’s a good buy,” he said, which makes it sound pretty much irresistible.

And, yes, there is still a Zeta-Jones connection. The club chairman, Robert Jones, is Zeta-Jones’s uncle. Furthermore, Zeta-Jones is considering making a film about a penniless Welsh rugby club and talks have already taken place as to whether Llanelli AFC’s ground could provide the setting.

But if Llanelli AFC is out of your price range, here is an eclectic — and entirely genuine — list of sports gifts with a varying degree of taste:

1. Bradford Bulls nine-carat gold belly-button ring. A snip at £48.95.

2. Valiant Port Vale Underwear. The only club in Britain that sells a ladies’ thong with a club crest on the front. Comes in black or white. £9.99 for a pair.

3. The “Classic Elway” recliner chair. This comes embossed with the signature and No 7 of the great Denver Broncos quarterback and features a recessed cup holder and a swivel snack-table attachment. And if you really like it, you can take in more from one of four Elway home furniture collections: Classic Elway (“authentic southwestern flair”), Vintage Elway (“subtly sophisticated”), Elite Elway (“ epitomising contemporary styles”) and Palo Alto Elway (“cutting edge, uniquely innovative”). Further details on

www.bassettfurniture.com.

4. CDs. My Life, by John Daly and friends (Scream Records), light country rock including those little known numbers I’m Drunk, Damn Broke and All My Ex’s Wear Rolexes. Daly said about the project: “I’m no singer, it’s hard, but very rewarding.”

Or, for a different sound, the new compilation album: Roy Jones Junior Presents: Body Head Bangerz Volume 1 (Body Head/Universal Motown Records). This is described as a “blend of hip-hop and R&B” with a lead single I Smoke, I Drank — Remix which has been described as “a lyrical testimony that Roy Jones is more than just your average athlete”.

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