|Mr and Mrs Douglas|
Cardiff – Tuesday 10 May. The government has announced plans to introduce electricity to Wales by 2012. The ambitious policy was unveiled by the First Minister for Wales, Rhodri Morgan, early this morning at a press conference in the Welsh capital.
“We would like to see wide-scale use of this fantastic new invention within the next seven years,” said Morgan, “It’s time we moved out of the dark ages and stopped relying so much on coal for our heating requirements.”
The announcement comes after a lengthy campaign by Welsh Nationalist Party Plaid Cymru, which only discovered electricity’s existence by accident three years ago whilst on a fact-finding tour to Papua New Guinea.
“We’d spent several months rowing all the way to the southern hemisphere,” said Welsh activist Gareth Rhys Davies, “and when we got there they had these amazing lights that weren’t candles and this marvellous bright box called a “television” - with little people in it! We thought it was all fantastic so after we rowed back we decided to try and get this electricity for the Welsh people – and get one over on the English!”
For years the Principality has long been associated with backward lifestyles, enduring crude accusations of relationships with sheep, speaking in a funny way and having cheese on toast as the national dish. The latest proposals mark a change in direction for the Welsh who pride themselves on being able to sing loudly. It may also herald a u-turn by certain celebrity ex-pats who have famously left Wales such as Catherine Zeta-Jones, Anthony Hopkins, Tom Jones and Ryan Giggs.
“This is superb! The reason I left was because I couldn’t get to use a hairdryer,” said Zeta-Jones on hearing the news, “and more recently Michael has needed a Stannah Stair lift to get up to the bedroom. If we could get electricity then we would definitely consider moving back.”
Anthony Hopkins was more guarded, not wanting to commit to a return to the land of his birth,
“Quid pro quo!” said the Oscar winner from his California home.
“Why, why, why?” asked Tom Jones when questioned, “I’ve waited so long for this moment. Yes, it would be good to touch the green, green grass of home!”